NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
Dick sushi. Because reasons.
I love how, no matter what race you are…everybody’s dick looks the same.
when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors
as a girl, I can confirm this is 100% true
just when you thought tumblr found all the grossly misogynistic articles about women’s appearances on the internet
what a fun website
this is one of the most embarrassing steaming piles of pua and /pol/ shit clickbait i’ve ever seen. don’t give them the satisfaction or the ad sales, just don’t visit the website at all.
it says a lot about a person if their masculinity is threatened by a little boy in spider man pajamas and a tutu
i thought this was a really shitty and offensive version of the onion but these guys are actually serious
just take a minute to read some of the author names… jesus…
I wanna see pictures of your lowest moment from 2013 go
I was in a Toy Story play.
And I loved it.
You’re an inspiration to us all
Snails Kiss On Cherries [photo by Vyacheslav Mishchenk]
THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANT MY LIFE TO BE
*romantically whispers* noot noot
THEY LOOK LIKE THEYRE HAVING A THUMB WAR
OMG FUCKING GAWD
the ol’ razzle dazzle
Sam/Jess after her death.
PLOT TWIST: In Jess’ final moments burning on the ceiling, she said “yes” to being a vessel. Jess wanted to see Sammy one last time so the angel in her body gave her this last moment.
Jess’ body is out there, chained to a comet.